Balance vs. BurnoutBy Mary May
Most people who have spent any great amount of time and energy at a task have felt the symptoms of burnout at one time or another. These symptoms, while routinely disruptive, affect people in different ways. Some people become even more determined to finish the task at hand, at the exclusion of all else. Others become so drained by their experiences that they appear to care little for the very people they were working so hard to support. Still others remain open and accessible to their group, but become withdrawn and irritable with family and close friends. Burnout obviously affects different people in different ways, but the underlying reasons behind burnout seem a bit more universal. Most people see feeling burnt-out as a reaction to attempting to do too much at one time. As adept as homeschool group leaders, co-op coordinators, and activity leaders are at juggling, keeping all of those balls in the air at once can be a challenge.
Feeling as strongly as we do about homeschooling and homeschooling support, it's understandable that we want to reach out and support others in the same endeavor. Carol Moxley of Texas says it best, "You know that old expression: "You don't burn out unless you're on fire?" I think this applies to homeschoolers as well as anyone. We're impassioned by homeschooling. Sharing this passion with each other by way of a support group is only natural." Having that kind of enthusiasm for what we do makes it also natural that people will flock to you for assistance, guidance, and support.
Of course the problem occurs when we can no longer maintain that enthusiasm or when we can no longer distinguish between a passion for helping and a deepening, gloomy sense of obligation. Carol continues: "As we work to create what we feel will be the type of group we envision being a part of, we oft times lose our balance; i.e. the balance necessary to our own personal existence. Being on fire for homeschooling shouldn't have to mean going up in flames." We all strive for, and sometimes fail at, keeping that balance. Having failed at keeping that balance, however, certainly doesn't mean that it can't be found again.
Feeling discouraged and overburdened has real consequences both in homeschool support and within families. As longtime homeschool leader Cindy Jandt of WA puts it: "Feeling burnout here simply means I don't care much anymore." Since a driving force behind many support group and homeschool activity leaders' efforts is a wish to provide encouragement, assistance, and a sympathetic ear to new and experienced homeschoolers alike, that feeling is an unwelcome reminder of how thinly stretched we may have become. Since that feeling and it's subsequent consequences are not much help to homeschoolers, the question becomes, "How do I avoid burnout?" Or even, "Can I avoid burnout?"
While homeschool support groups across the country are as unique and individual as the members that populate them, each group leader still struggles with how to provide the services the members want, keep members active and informed within the group, and ultimately, continue to facilitate communication within the group with the aim of keeping all of those activities going. Such daunting tasks can seldom be accomplished alone. In that light, making sure that you delegate responsibility for tasks appears to be a primary piece of advice given by support group leaders in conjunction with avoiding burnout.
Jill Burdick's group in WA had a distinctly visual way of presenting volunteer opportunities (and consequently delegating authority) in her group. "One visual that was helpful to our group was breaking the tasks down into manageable jobs. We post them in the newsletter prior to the meeting. At the meeting we take index cards (that have the jobs posted on them), note the job, and if no one volunteers for it, it goes on the floor. At the end of the meeting we announce what jobs are not filled and will not have a volunteer." How to make those jobs attractive or accessible so that members will want to help? Jill continues: "I think it's important to keep each task at a minimum. Sure you need more volunteers, but then those volunteers are not doing the lion's share of the work. It's also important not to complain about tasks not volunteered for - it is the group's decision, not yours, so let it go."
Letting go can sometimes be a difficult proposition for some of us, not only with those jobs or tasks left undone, but also with those not done the way we would necessarily do them. As Carol Moxley notes: "Allow for personal creativity. Just because someone isn't doing it your way doesn't necessarily mean they're doing it wrong." Giving people room to succeed at a task is vital and a different approach can ultimately produce an excitement and interest in an activity or job that was lacking before.
While delegating responsibility for tasks is a welcome idea, there are also other things to consider in order to avoid burnout. Marie Hopper of North Carolina notes, "On a personal level, don't take responsibility for the group's functioning so personally. Group dynamics evolve and very little of it is a direct reflection on you. Don't take it all so seriously - lighten up and let go." This is a difficult task for many of us. The group's "success" or "failure" seems directly tied to our efforts. Because of this, we may again try to stretch ourselves too thinly.
Marilea Gray of WA suggests that determining which activities or tasks are critical for the group and putting the rest aside is an important step in "letting go." "Maybe choose one area to be involved that you feel strongly about and focus on that. Don't try to be all things to all people. Keep it simple and don't overburden yourself." Keeping it simple might even lead to a drastic reorganization of the group. As Marie Hopper noted earlier, groups evolve and change. She recommends thinking about a loosely structured group in lieu of a more highly organized group. "On a group level, structure the group so that it doesn't require leadership or committees or whatever. Keep it more cooperative and make that structure known right up front. People will either join and help or not." While that thought might seem drastic to some (and impossible to others), it could definitely mean the difference between no group at all or one that is cooperatively based.
Connecting with other support group leaders on a regular basis can also be a wonderful opportunity, not only to discuss different group structures and how they work, but also as a way to share feelings of burnout with people who often have felt exactly the same way. Homeschool leaders' meetings can also be a way to share responsibility for the larger homeschool support activities that one group leader might usually take on him- or herself, easing the possibility that the activity might contribute to that leader's own feelings of burnout.
Another step often overlooked in the attempt to avoid overburdening yourself can be enlisting the support and encouragement of your family. In conjunction with many other excellent suggestions for avoiding burnout, among which include being honest about your limitations and realistic about your expectations, Carol Moxley finds this an important step. "Consult with your spouse. You'll need to communicate clearly about the demands of the position and you will probably need some extra help on the home front." That extra support at home can make the difference in whether you feel that you can effectively handle increased duties as well as how quickly you can bounce back from particularly demanding activities. Pampering yourself, even if only with time itself (time alone, time to reflect, time with your family, time simply away), is among one of the suggestions that Carol has for avoiding burnout or lessening the effects of burnout. She goes on with other helpful suggestions, "Engage in stress-reduction activities like exercise, hobbies, weekend get-aways, prayer, or meditation." It helps to remember that while homeschooling dominates an enormous part of our lives, it is not the only interest or aspect of our lives worth granting our time.
Part of keeping balanced, flexible, and open to suggestions from your group members means truly looking within us for the root of our burnout. While few would argue that burnout isn't real and felt by many hardworking people, it's important to search within ourselves and figure out how much of those feelings of frustration, if any, might be the "Martyr Syndrome." Do we just assume that no one is willing to take on work? Do we persist in tasks that don't appear to be important to the group? Do we bring on some of this ourselves? While expressing sympathy toward anyone feeling a deepening sense of irritation, obligation, and frustration associated with homeschool support, Jill Burdick wonders whether some of our problems aren't self-inflicted. "I think burnout can be synonymous with the martyr syndrome - woe is me, I'm the only one doing anything...," she reflected. "I think it's important to remind ourselves on a regular basis, that we volunteered. If no one else volunteered and the group dissolves, so be it - but - if you volunteered, remember - no one is forcing you."
How much of burnout might be associated with a power or control issue? Marie Hopper questions this as well. "In my experience, some leaders appear to be on a bit of an ego trip and don't want to give up control, yet they say they want help. In reality, they want lackeys to boss around and homeschoolers are too darned independent to allow themselves to be micro-managed." While thoughts and opinions like these can be controversial, it's hard to argue that they don't occasionally have merit. Certainly in many of our own experiences, either within homeschooling or without, we too can point to people with whom we have worked who seemed unwilling, for whatever reason, to relinquish control or to give up tasks that seemed meaningless. Continuing to question yourself as to what your motivation is when you are feeling the effects of burnout can be an effective tool in avoiding the above scenarios.
Whether you agree with the above points, most agree that it's important to truly look within ourselves and determine what it is that we are hoping to accomplish within our groups, how it is that we can help the group succeed at accomplishing those goals, and how we can encourage and facilitate growth within the homeschool community.
Cindy Jandt of WA feels that we have an obligation to look beyond ourselves as we participate in homeschool support leadership, "As leaders we need to continue to encourage folks to take responsibility for themselves and give them the tools to help others...lets not be encouraging dependency or building empires." Rhonda Quayle, also of WA, has seen this in action and feels that burnout has had its positive side for her. "When I have been burnt out on homeschool support, it presented an opening and an opportunity for others to offer their talents, gifts, and abundant energy."
So, while experiencing burnout can be an unpleasant experience, coming out on the other side can possibly not only hone your own sense of balance and give you a renewed appreciation for the efforts of anyone attempting to provide support and encouragement, but it can strengthen your own group and the area's homeschooling community as well. Such effects, while hard won, are never wasted.
